Since the young age, I always felt that I could do better. Get better grades, be a better dancer, better daughter/sister/friend. I often felt that I wasn’t doing enough and for a few weeks this daunting realization will push me to do more things: sign up to new classes or start online courses. However, the urge always slowly disseminated every time and nothing ever changed. Back to square one. Until the new wave of self-doubt and disapproval settled in and the process repeated itself.
This often leads me to wonder if people ever feel “enough”. Someone must do and they must be happy with that, I’m just not sure what it means. I often feel like I don’t deserve things I strive for and I don’t know if that’s because of the high standards I set for myself or because I actually do not deserve those things I so badly desire.
This self-doubt always comes around when the new life chapter is about to open and it drags me down so much. It’s funny how people around me often can’t tell and it’s so easy to hide these insecurities behind jokes and endless sarcasm. I’m all in for supporting people to do whatever they dream of & just go for it no matter what. And it’s easy to type it out in one my stories or convince my friend to shoot for the stars but so much harder to believe it myself and be my best personal cheerleader. And as disappointing as it sounds, I always want to start with myself first but being harder on yourself is almost easier sometimes.